


Classified

by magikmarker



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Episode Related, Episode: s03e20 Olelo Pa'a (The Promise), Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:12:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magikmarker/pseuds/magikmarker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny said nothing, just stood looking at the door his best friend had literally stormed out minutes before wondering what fresh hell was upon them. Episode tag and missing scenes for Olela Pa'a 3x20 cos I wanted to know what Danny made of it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Classified

"Yes, Daniel. Yes. It is classified." Steven McGarrett's voice was cold as ice.

The detective looked up surprised as he had not seen his partner standing there. He had been in the middle of a rant about the classified nature of their current murder victims file when Steve had flung open his office door. Danny looked at the tight set of his friend's jaw and his closed body language and raised a hand in mute apology. Behind Steve, Catherine stood frozen at his office door, her eyes wary, her face surprised. She put a hand gently on his bicep but he shrugged her off.

"Babe, I didn't mean..." Danny broke off under Steve's glare.

"No, of course you meant it. Because you live in this world that you think would be perfect if people did what you wanted!" He moved further into the room, uncharacteristically animated, his words like knives. "But do you know what, you do not get to decide what information is public knowledge and what is to be guarded under a need to know basis."

Kono and Chin both shifted uncomfortably. Kono took a step closer to Danny her hands also slightly raised, alarmed by her boss' sudden and unexpected anger.

"It is classified, Daniel," the full name once more cutting into Danny. "It is classified because people who operate above your pay grade decided that it had to be. People with the full picture, beyond your small world view. People who see what needs to be done to keep the balance of power on a global scale. People who see what has to be done to keep you and the rest of the world, safe."

He was on a roll now, anger pulsing off him in waves, "They give the orders and they are passed down and men like our dead lieutenant do what has to be done, what needs to be done..." he paused here, rubbing a hand over his face. The intense anger disappearing as quickly as it had flared up. Suddenly he looked exhausted, haggard even. Catherine took two steps across the room her lip clamped between her teeth. She was clearly as at a loss as the others. She reached out towards him again, but stopped short.

Steve continued, his voice suddenly quiet, "You do not need to know what those things are...hell you do not want to know. You sure as hell wouldn't sleep so soundly in that flea pit of an apartment you call home."

"Steve?" Danny's plea was soft the distress at his friend's disturbing outburst.

He whirled on him, "Don't Danny. You have no idea what men like Mason have done for their country..." what I have done... remained a deafening unspoken whisper in the room around the others who stood in absolute shock.

"It's not related to his service record. It isn't about what is and isn't classified. So maybe you could stop running off at the mouth about things you do not understand and focus on finding out what happened. I think I will work from home the rest of the day. You can call me if you find anything." Without a backwards glance he turned on his heels and left the office.

As if released from a spell, Catherine, looked dazedly around at the team, "I'm sorry...he just...I better.." and at that she turned and followed Steve from the room.

"What the hell just happened?!" Danny was still staring speechless after the retreating figure of the normally super cool Steve. The three remaining team members momentarily paralysed with shock.

"They stopping making his favourite grenades or something?" Kono tried to lighten the mood, the words sounding hollow even in her own ears.

"What did Catherine need to see him about?"

"No idea, Brah. I didn't even see her come in! She looked upset too..." Kono bit nervously on her lower lip.

"Lover's tiff?" Danny asked the air.

Chin raised his eyebrows. "Nah, he was pleased to see her when she came in, I saw him. ..you know that goofy smile...she was looking all biz though...plus it was you he was mad at..."

Kono bit her lip a little harder, "I think there was a call from Joe this morning..."

Danny swore loudly, "Even better, cos Joe messing in his life always works out just great for all involved. Was Cath here 'being Navy?'" he began to pace running a hand through his hair.

"She did have an envelope with her that she gave him, I wasn't really paying attention," Chin wracked his brain for details.

Kono moved closer to him, "Do you think he's being deployed" she asked fearfully.

None of the three friends spoke for a moment.

"Nah..." Danny ran a hand through his hair. "and if he was, he wouldn't flip out about it..."

Again silence filled the room.

"Maybe I should..." Danny started toward the door. Chin reached across to place a hand on his arm, "Whatever that was, Danny, Maybe you should let him cool off. I don't for one second think his anger was really directed at you, but maybe best wait. Catherine is with him, she knows how to handle him. You know he'll talk to you when he's ready..."

Danny said nothing, just stood looking at the door that his best friend had literally stormed out minutes before wondering what fresh hell was upon them.


	2. Photographs and Awkward Silences

Danny pulled into the driveway at Steve's house and sat with his hands on the wheel. The case had been put to bed, a straight forward case of the guy being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The waitress had regained consciousness and confirmed the lieutenant had arrived mid robbery and saved her life. Shame it had cost him his. The BOLOs were out for the suspects and HPD would hopefully have them in custody by the morning.

None of the team had been sorry that Steve was right and there was no military connection to the death. All three had been quietly worrying about what was going on with their normally controlled leader while piecing together the case.

They'd even gone so far as snooping around in Steve's office but could find no indication of what had caused the earlier upset. Whatever Catherine had brought in the envelope, if it had anything to do with Steve's 'flip out' as Danny was privately now calling it, he hadn't left it anywhere obvious.

Danny felt guilty for his own part in what had happened. It had been a long week and, although they had little reason to suspect the killing had anything to do with the dead man's recently ended military career, they had asked to see his record to rule it out. He probably should have been more careful to curb his irritation at the red tape and hoops the military expected civilian law enforcement to jump through. Steve was always a little touchy about it, especially when the victim was military.

Danny had never meant for a second to imply anything with his comments on the classified service record. He was frustrated. He just hadn't been thinking.

He might even maybe concede, under duress obviously, that his comments had been a little extreme and maybe, just maybe, he could see how they might have hit a nerve. Chin had been gentle but quite firm as he had pointed that out following Steve's sudden departure...it's just, and this is where Danny's chest tightened, his rants never had before. It was what they did, he ranted sometimes becoming ever more ridiculous and extreme in his views to provoke a reaction from Steve who, knowing the game, rarely took the bait. However, now it seemed he had hurt his best friend.

Hanging around with his team Steve had become...Danny's brain struggled for the right word...domesticated...the rigid military corners had been softened by three years of civilian, well, semi-civilian life. Danny puffed out a sigh. It was easy to forget that most of Steve's adult life before Five-0 was off limits to them, hidden by sealed files and black marker.

Oh the SEAL was still there, and every so often Danny and the others got a glimpse of what that version of Steve was like, but only ever a hint, a fleeting suggestion of the highly trained military weapon he was. However, the rest of the time they were family.

The shuttered off part of Steve had partially opened, letting the team in where he had rarely, if ever, let people in before. His past, however, remained secret, classified. Those times when his past and present collided had proven difficult for all involved, especially Steve. This had all the hallmarks of one of those times and Danny was anxious to find out how bad it was going to get.

He was nervous about approaching the house. What kind of reception would he receive?

*************************************************

Catherine's car sat in the driveway. He hesitated again, what if they were wrong and it was some domestic thing. Either he was about to walk in on World War Three or, even worse, them making up. Oh well, he thought pessimistically, that might provide the motivation he needed to finally get himself that therapist he had been threatening to hire since he began working with Steve.

It had been decided, well Chin had decided and he always had good instincts, that Danny should go to Steve's house first. Kono had pinged his phone, convinced he was possibly already on a military transport. Discovering he had indeed gone straight home had been a slight, if welcome, anti climax.

It had taken all Danny's will power not to just storm straight over and demand an explanation and a chance to apologise. Kono and Chin however had prevented him, arguing rightly that he needed to cool off and Catherine would prevent any harm coming to him in the meantime.

So the plan was Danny would go first, see Steve and established roughly what was going on. The cousins would finish off the last few loose ends at HQ and then come directly over, unless Danny messaged otherwise. Then the three would confront/comfort/restrain, basically whatever it was Steve needed. They were a family, 'Ohana.

Darkly Danny now felt they were going to wait and see if he made it out alive before approaching themselves. Feeling slightly like a sacrificial lamb, he huffed a final breath, grabbed the six pack he had purchased en route and walked to the door.

It was unlocked and receiving no answer he pushed it open. Shouted a warning of his intention, and entered. The house appeared deserted but the rear doors stood open to the Lanai. Nothing unusual in that. He moved towards them, certain Steve and his Lieutenant would be out there.

As he passed the open kitchen door he was alert for any clues to Steve's volatile mood. Something caught his eye. A wooden box, the size of a large shoe box sat open on the table. Danny had seen it before on the dresser in Steve's room, never open.

For some reason, it being suddenly there made Danny feel uneasy, perhaps something about it reminding him of a red tool box that he had often seen in the same way on the same table...

Feeling only a little guilty, he moved into the kitchen to peer at its content. It was divided into two compartments. In one there was a handgun in a small holster. It was small, slim, the type that could be easily concealed in a boot or something. It was resting on top of papers of some kind and a collection of photographs.

Only a couple were visible. Danny peered in, surely it wasn't prying if you didn't physically move anything. He'd just see what was left in plain sight.

One photograph showed the whole McGarrett family on the private beach. Steve looked about ten and was standing with a towel and his mother's arms wrapped around him. Mary and their father were beside them, spades in hand, half finished castle in the foreground. All four were laughing at something. There was a similar picture, but more formally arranged Danny had seen in a frame in the study, obviously taken the same day.

Another, poking out from below showed just Doris and John. Doris, younger than the woman Danny now knew, was smiling straight at the camera while Steve's father was gazing at her with an expression of such love; Danny's stomach knotted tightly as he realised just how much must have been rewritten and called into question for Steve by Doris' "resurrection."

The other compartment had small boxes Danny immediately recognised as medal boxes. But it was the other content that made him reach in and draw an item out. Another photograph. Much more recent. It showed a slightly younger version of Steve and another man.

Both were in full camo, faces painted and rifles slung casually across their chests. They were obviously somewhere hot and sandy. Steve's head was bare, a pair of sunglasses pushed up off his face, while his companion had a bright red bandana tied around his head. Their faces were caked in red dust. Steve was standing at a slight angle to the camera and his comrade. His hand was grasping the other man's shoulder, bent forward his eyes crinkling with laughter. The other man was looking at him with comical expression on his face, a canteen half raised to his mouth, water spilling. Both looked completely at ease, unaware of the camera. Danny flipped it over, FH and SMcG, The Stan 2009 it said in writing he didn't recognise.

Under the photo were dog tags, two sets. Dog tags. Of course Steve had dog tags, Danny knew that it theory but there was something very unnerving about seeing them. It made the history visible in that photograph suddenly very real. Steve was a soldier first and foremost. But two sets of tags was strange, they couldn't both be his? Could they? This train of thought was broken off as something in the corner of this compartment caught his eye. It was a small crystal cross on a silver chain that he recognised from somewhere but couldn't place.

A voice sounded unbidden in his mind ****"There's no law that says you can't grab a beer with friends,"...laughter...friendship...trust...

a ditsy smile...an underground bunker...an abandoned body... a pool of congealed blood... 'We have to find Steve'...*******

He shook his head at the sudden unwelcome flash of memories.

Jenna.

He stepped back as if he'd been stung. He shook his head to dislodge unsought memories. Taking a deep breath he headed towards the liana, even more concerned about Steve than before.

*************************************

He made his way put towards the private beach. Two figures were just emerging from the water. Danny shouldn't have been surprised, a swim was always Steve's preferred means of destressing or clearing his mind if something was bothering him. He stopped at the chairs at the edge of the sand where two towels were sitting in anticipation of the swimmers return.

Cath saw him first as they exited the surf. She nodded his direction and spoke to Steve who flicked his eyes up meeting Danny's gaze for a fleeting second before dropping it away. He hesitated pausing in his stride and Cath spoke to him, her taller friend stooping slightly to hear what she was saying, his eyes still on the ground, his hand lightly hovering over her bare waist. They were to far away for Danny to hear what she was saying. The body language suggested Catherine was giving Steve some sort of pep talk. Whatever it was, it was brief and they both resumed their walk towards the detective.

Danny kept his eyes on Steve who had yet to meet his gaze a second time.

"Didn't take you for an endurance swimmer, Cath," he addressed the less intimidating of the pair, holding a towel out for her to take.

She nodded her thanks, both of them casting a glance at Steve who had lifted his own towel and was drying himself, his back to them, watching the ocean.

"I only did a couple of miles, met the merman on his return."

Steve grunted at that, turning to catch her eye, slight smile at her teasing but it lacked energy. She winked at him then motioned at Danny with a slight movement of her head. He ignored her. She was putting on a show of cheerful normalcy but Danny could sense her underlying tension.

There was a moment of silence. Danny rocked awkwardly on the balls of his feet. Cath started drying her hair. Seemingly oblivious to both, Steve returned to his contemplation of the horizon.

"Well I need to get a shower," Cath broke the silence, she grinned cheekily at Steve who had again turned to acknowledge her, "and just so you know I am not on a Naval Ship at the moment so the three minute rule definitely does not apply."

Again the half smile and then return to his vigil. That appeared to be all she expected. She turned to Danny, "I assume the others will be along soon?" he raised his eyebrows and she waved a hand, dismissing his surprise. He grinned at her, was that relief, gratitude even in her eyes? "Excellent, I'll order Chinese when I'm clean," she smiled a real smile but it disappeared as she stood a moment looking at Steve, the tension in his back evident. She met Danny's eye, a silent appeal. Talk to him.

"Hey," Danny took pity on her and addressed the other man.

Steve paused in drying his ears, so like a big dog, Danny thought.

"Hey" he replied. Danny let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, well Steve hadn't killed him with his bare hands, yet. He still wasn't making eye contact though.

Catherine looked between the two of them and made a little annoyed huffing sound. "Right well, I can see you two can't wait to talk about this so i'll go while I can still get a word in edgewise." Rolling her eyes she turned and headed back up the lawn to the house.

"Sarcastic, your little lady," Danny commented as they both stood watching the petite woman walking up the lawn. Not a bad view, Danny thought silently then scolded his brain, putting that thought in the 'Do Not Go There' file he kept for such moments

Steve made another grunt that suggested Danny didn't know the half of it and finally looked properly at his partner. "Dare you to say that to her face." They both grinned at the thought. The tension momentarily lifting, but only for a moment. The haunted look returned and the shutters fastened tightly again. Awkward silence engulfed them.

"Danny, why are you here?" Steve sat heavily on the chair, dropping the towel at his feet.

"Why am I here? Why am I here, he asks? Are you for real? Seriously, Steven?" Danny could hardly believe that was his friend's opening line. He began to pace backwards and forwards in front of his the other man, who sat forward his head in his hands looking at his own feet. Danny found his worry disappearing in favour of anger, "I mean is there any part of you that might actually, you know, somewhere deep down in that thick skull of yours, know why I am here? Or maybe, lets see, why Chin and Kono are on their way? I mean could it be related to that little incident earlier today, huh?"

He paused, looking down at his friend who refused to look at him.

"Seriously? Do you think that you can go all 'Full Metal Jacket' on us and we not be worried? You, my friend need to get it into your thick skull that we are on your side. You think we'd let you just leave following something that, quite frankly Steven, was a little bit of a diva moment." He paused again, this time Steve raised his head, small ghost of a smile on his lips. "Yes, I used the word diva. I mean one moment you are doing your paperwork like a good little SEAL and then one conjugal visit later, yes I know what I said..but what are we supposed to think? This morning you are fine, Catherine arrives and ten minutes later you come over all pyscho-verbose-man-in-black I mean you totally used up your usual yearly word quota in that one tirade...Clearly something is going on in that tiny ninja mind. We're not even going to start on the elitist military kings-of-the-world Jack Nicholson crap that you were spouting...maybe just as well, my tiny world view has suffered enough at your hands today..." his tone was more bitter at this point than he had intended.

He paused in his rant, glaring at his silent partner, he was still not looking at Danny. In fact he looked so... lost. He almost seemed to shrink under Danny's tirade. Danny felt his anger dissipate and the gnawing concern return. He ran a hand through his hair, his tone softening slightly "It was like you totally lost it, babe. You scared us all half to death."

At that Steve finally lifted his head, "Danno..."

Seeming to lose all fight at the use of his nickname, Danny flopped down on the other chair.

"What the hell is going on?"

"I...well" Steve seemed to be searching for where to start, "firstly 'Full Metal Jacket'? Army, Danny," he paused holding out a hand as Danny threatened to resume his rant at that, "I know I was out of line...and I guess...I'm sorry."

Surprised by how easily that apology came the concern notched up another level. Danny wanted to get his own guilt out of the way, "Ok...look...I didn't mean half that stuff I said back there."

"No kidding."

"If I hurt your, you know, ah, your big sensitive SEAL feelings, then I guess I am sorry too."

Steve gave a dry laugh. "Wow, steady on...It wasn't you Danny. I got some news today which,ah, I guess I didn't take as well as I thought I would. When I came out and you were ranting about classified things being what was it..." he paused meeting Danny's eye with something more like his normal amusement, "egotistical self-aggrandisement..." he allowed himself to grin slightly but the memory of events quickly removed all humour from his voice. He dropped his head back into his hands, "I guess I lost it. Saw red and took it out on you. I..well, you know I, ah, that stuff I said..."

"Ok," Danny interrupted, putting his friend out if his misery, "I guess I knew that.." despite having a reputation of never closing his mouth, Danny actually did know when to be quiet. Especially where his normally mute partner was concerned. So he waited. Realising that he was now expected to explain, Steve wiped a hand over his face and drew a deep breath.

"When I heard you saying those things... it hit a scar that had just been reopened...look, Danny, I know you didn't mean half of those things nor were the comments aimed at me...but...what you always forget, we're different." he looked up, his expression unusually open, willing Danny to understand him.

"You made the choice to be a cop. I decided to join the Navy. You wanted 'To Serve and Protect.' and I know that you are a damn good cop, and that you have done things, seen things in the job that haunt you. In that way were are similar but I also know you have never woken up in the morning knowing that you would definitely kill someone that day...not just that...but that when you did then it would be a successful day, you would have completed a mission. Maybe even celebrated after..."

He closed his eyes, "You were trained to uphold the peace. I am trained to kill..yes, I know, i'm trained for much much more than that, obviously," he waved Danny's spluttered protest aside. "But I can, and have eliminated with extreme prejudice. I am not ashamed of what I have done to protect this country, I seek no recognition but nor do I apologise...but...but here's the thing D...I am not sure that you would look at me quite the same way if you knew what I am capable of... What my classified file contains. What would Grace think of her Uncle Steve if she actually saw how he spent most of his adult life?" he paused running a hand over his face again, glancing at Danny who also lent forward, hearing everything Steve was saying, recognising what it cost him to say it.

"Do you think it is easy keeping secrets from you? Do you think I like it?" his voice rose. "You're my closest friend, Danny, but I have to keep secrets from you. From the others, hell, even Catherine doesn't have clearance to know most of what I have done and she knows more than anyone else."

"Can you imagine what it is like to leave your family, your friends without telling them where you are going, what you are doing? Knowing that if you were killed in the field, your family would probably never know how or why, not even where? I went on missions that, had I been captured or killed, not only would my family never know what happened but the Navy would deny that they knew I existed..." He stopped again.

When he continued his voice was softer. There was something in his tone. A haunted quality that Danny hoped never to hear in his friend's voice again. Steve obviously knew these things all too well. "Do you have any idea what it is like to talk to a bereaved family and not be able to tell them anything except their loved one had died a hero and just hope that they trust you enough to believe it?"

Danny simply shook his head. Steve seemed to have finished talking. Danny decided the time had come to be direct, "Steve are you going to tell me what's going on? I can't imagine just how much that must suck for you, but I've said things like that before, why did you finally get so angry? What's happened today?"

Steve just ran a hand over his face. Danny watched him, he was obviously warring with himself over something.

"Seriously, babe, you are freaking me out..."

"Freddie," Steve said, "My friend Freddie Hart. He's coming home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have apologised that I have no Beta and so this is riddled with mistakes, and even though I am going to try and fix some of them as I repost this (originally on Fanfiction.net) but am guaranteed to probably just add some more!!!


	3. Phonecalls and Paperwork

Danny hit the full stop key with a flourish and scanned back over the document he had just finished. Honestly, if his high school English teacher could see the skill with which he manipulated language she might rethink some of the harsher comments she had levelled in his direction. He almost made it sound as if commandeering a quad bike and chasing a fleeing suspect through a supermarket on it had been not only not at all excessive but a logical move and in the public interest. Of course the suspects later confession of guilt and the large haul of illegal weapons he had lead HPD to recover, helped. Only Steve though, could have pulled a stunt like that and got away with it.

He hit print then save, scooping the crisp, fresh document out of the printer and into the small pile of completed paperwork he had completed since he had arrived that morning. In fact at this rate, his inbox would be empty by lunch, a rare rare occurrence. Amazing what could be achieved without an ex-SEAL with an aversion to paperwork and skill for blowing things up around to distract you.

While Steve's own reports were a thing of beauty, you couldn't survive however many years with Naval Intelligence without a certain knack for the things, Danny practically had to chain him to the desk to get him to complete them. The lengths he would go to to escape sitting at his desk if not in the mood were becoming the stuff of legend. The detective grinned to himself remembering the week before. Things had been very quiet and the backlog of paperwork had called. Danny had had to leave the office giving Steve a large pile of reports and requisitions to read and approve along with strict instructions to do it.

A mere thirty minutes later, he had returned to find Steve and Kono playing Candy Crush on the state of the art screens. Chin denied all knowledge but Danny suspected that was because his personal best had been bettered. Steve had practically whined when Danny had made them turn it off! Thinking about his partner's childish antics now however made Danny's stomach swirl slightly with apprehension.

He glanced at the clock.

Then at his silent phone.

Then back at the clock.

Forty minutes since he last looked.

Ok.

Better than the last time when only ten had gone by. He tried to calculate time differences in his head, failed and googled it.

Ok.

They would be on their way to the exchange point at this moment. He puffed out a breath and ran his hand over his face, leaning back in the chair. Cath had promised to let them know when it was over as he drove them to the base for their transport the morning before.

* * *

_"What time am I collecting you then?" he'd asked, almost amused by the way Steve's mouth had opened slightly in surprise._

_"You don't have to do that, Danno." then as Danny hadn't spoken, only held his gaze, "Wheels up at 0600."_

_"Oh great. Why can't the Navy teach you guys to tell time, and why on earth can't they fly at anything other than you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me O'Clock." Danny pretended to bluster, trying to cover the way the gratitude in his partner's face had made him feel._

_He'd been there at five. Catherine, already in her uniform, but with her hair falling in an unruly mess to her shoulders, opened the door before he reached it. She smiled warmly. He followed her into the kitchen where she pushed a welcome mug of coffee into his hand and motioned to the open back door before retreating back upstairs._

_Steve was there in his uniform. He turned and acknowledged Danny's presence, his face pale and drawn. Danny suspected he hadn't slept. As he moved a small glint against his khaki tee-shirt was visible under his open jacket. He was wearing his dog tags. Of course he was, all military personnel wore them. That was actually the point, Danny realised, they were symbolic now, a reminder of the differences between them Steve had put voice to in his distress. The picture Danny had found also bounced into his head, Steve the soldier now standing directly in front of him._

_They stood together at the edge of the lawn. The orange and pink streaks of light were just breaking across the surface of the water which was itself, eerily calm. For a few minutes neither spoke, Steve lost in his own thoughts and Danny carefully observing his friend as if expecting to find some kind of physical manifestation of the emotional pain he knew Steve was feeling._

_Finally Danny spoke, "Kono will be pissed the surf is so bad this morning."_

_Steve gave a soft laugh but made no reply._

_"You ready, babe?" he continued, already knowing the answer. He watched 'Military Steve' grow even more rigid in his posture and distant in his expression. He nodded, face serious and Danny was reminded of the steely determination and focus of the man he had met just three years earlier. It had never fully left him, but was rarer in such cold intensity, especially when he was around Danny._

_Now that he understood the timescale and some of the circumstances of Freddie's death Danny felt he understood the mask and the iron glint in the stormy eyes more now than he had then. Fair enough, Danny thought, Robo-Steve it was then. If that was how he was going to get through this, then so be it. Danny wouldn't try to break through the barriers Steve needed to do what had to be done, not yet anyway..._

_The mask only threatened to come away briefly as they returned through the kitchen. At the door, Steve had turned back and opened the lid of the now closed box Danny had glimpsed inside. Danny watched cautiously as Steve lifted the photo of himself and the man Danny now realised was Freddie. He glanced at it, giving a half smile, maybe remembering what it was they had been laughing so hard about. Then he closed his eyes taking a shuddery breath in before reaching towards something else inside the box._

_His hand hovered in the air above the lid, an expression of sorrow and indecision was on his face for the briefest of moments and had Danny not been watching his friend carefully he would have missed it. It was only a moment though, and with the tiniest shake of his head, Steve reached his hand in and pulled out something that was quickly stowed in one of the uniform pockets. He had already strode past Danny, face set, by the time the Jersey detective had realised it was the second set of dog tags._

* * *

He was jerked back to reality by Kono coming into the office."Still nothing?"

He shook his head, straightening up, "Realistically I think, even if these things run exactly to schedule it might be another couple of hours until they get a chance to let us know."

Kono made a face which reflected exactly what he felt about that. "And all crime on the island has stopped. I just..." she had been in shortly after Danny and both had buried their heads in their offices, trying not to think about their friend.

"I know..."

"On the plus side I am almost finished my paperwork."

"Me too. Maybe we should persuade Cath to take him away for a few days every month, then we wouldn't have such a nightmare getting everything caught up!"

They both grinned at that then fell silent, Kono pretending to read one of Danny's newly finished reports while Danny's mind returned to Steve's house that evening;

* * *

_"Freddie," Steve said, "My friend Freddie Hart. He's coming home."_

_"And that's bad because..?" Danny questioned wondering what on earth that had to do with Steve's misplaced anger, another Nick Taylor situation perhaps? Then he registered Steve's tone and the look of sorrow in his eye as he said it and he swore softly. Great detective he was being today, "Oh Steve, man, I'm sorry."_

_"Yea."_

_"I..uh..I mean...ah, he was a SEAL?"_

_"Yea, we met at the academy, went through BUD/S together... served together." His eyes returned to the horizon, "He was...we were...we were close."_

_"Wow, that's awful, babe." Danny placed a hand on the other man's shoulder. "Do you know what happened?"_

_A strange look came over Steve's face and it was a moment before he finally answered, "Yea, ah...yea actually...um..it was a mission gone bad..." Danny pinched the bridge of his nose and waited for Steve to continue, but instead of telling him more, Steve stood up abruptly. "Look..I need to explain about...this is complicated...I, ah, I also need to shower, Danny...I...can we do this when I'm dressed properly?" and with that he turned and hurried back to the house._

_Danny stood and watched him go, hands in pockets. Ok, why did he have the feeling he wasn't going to like what was coming next. He sighed, Of course it was complicated, this was Steve McGarrett he was dealing with after all._

* * *

This time it was Chin who interrupted his musings, "Coffee break?" he asked, eyebrows lifting as they both Danny and Kono nearly knocked him over in their eagerness to escape the office where time seemed to be standing still.

Despite waiting for the call all morning, Danny nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone finally rang about an hour later. "How's my boy?" he asked, almost before the phone was at his ear. He listened to Catherine feeling a sense of relief washing over him. The worst was over.

* * *

_Chin and Kono had arrived while Steve was in the house. Danny filled them in on the little he knew. They sat in silence and waited for their boss._

_Steve returned only a few minutes later. His face was unreadable, the look of absolute focus Danny recognised when they were in the field. Steve was on a mission he held himself ramrod straight, a picture of absolute control. Catherine was beside him, unconsciously mirroring her lover's parade ground stance but biting her lip. This did not help Danny's unease at what Steve had not told them. There was more to this than just this guy's death._

_"Hey, Boss Danny told us about your friend." Kono stood an embraced the man. He accepted the hug. Chin rose next and did the same._

_"Mahalo" he said to them his eyes and demeanour softening slightly. He sat sideways across one of the loungers, allowing Catherine space to sit close beside him, her hand on his arm. He reached for it, covering it with his own hand. Other than clearly wanting the comfort of her presence, it was clear that Steve was going to approach this almost like a mission briefing._

_Now he was beside them, Danny could see the strain and tension behind the facade, this was not good. Normally Steve's control was effortless and absolute. Here, Danny could see waves of emotion barely held in check. He felt scared for his friend. He could tell by the way the others were watching him closely, they felt it too._

_"Catherine and I are being deployed on a brief mission to retrieve the body of a friend." Danny stiffened at this, he hadn't expected this twist. "We'll only be gone a couple of days. Danny you will be in charge while I am away. I have already informed the governor and requested a week long leave of absence though I shall only be off the island three days."_

_The three friends listened in silence. "Steve, it's us. We don't need the Navy sanctioned version. We understand that you have to do what you have to do." Chin spoke, as always the voice of reason._

_Steve looked up at him, almost as if surprised he was still there. His control slipped as a mix of emotions briefly crossed his face._

_"Why are you flying out? This isn't how these things normally happen, is it?" Danny blurted out, trying to hide his own emotions._

_Steve actually smiled at his attempt at calm. "No, Danny." Again Catherine tightened her grip on his arm. "I, ah, he's been waiting a while to come home to his family; His wife and little girl. There have been negotiations at the highest level and word came today that they have been successful. An exchange has been agreed." He paused, rubbing his hands over his face._

_"Negotiations? High level negotiations and an exchange? I just obviously, ah, everything Chin said, but what does this mean? An exchange?" Danny started to pace, struggling to keep himself from asking too much but he couldn't help it, warning bells were going off in his head. "How long have you been waiting for this to happen, Steve? I mean, when did you hear he had died? You should have said something..."_

_"Freddie was killed in enemy territory. Three years ago, Danny," Catherine spoke this time while Steve tilted his head back, looking at the sky. "Three years next month. The Navy couldn't simply go in and retrieve..." she seemed to catch what she had been about to say and paused. Steve lowered his gaze to hers, bringing his other hand over the hand that already held hers and giving her a squeeze. "It's complicated and, well, sorry classified but Steve and I will be going to oversee a straight forward exchange that will allow us to finally bring him home." As she spoke she watched the man beside her anxiously._

_"Three years ago next month" Kono interrupted before Danny could respond. "He died just before you came back, Boss?" Her voice was laced with sympathy. Steve stood up and took a few paces towards the ocean, turning his back to them._

_"Yea, the week before."_

_Danny stopped the pacing he hadn't realised he had started. "The week before...?"_

_"He was killed two days before my father."_

_The others froze, taking this information on board._

_"Oh babe," Danny moved to stand beside his friend._

_Steve didn't turn. "He saved my life.' his voice was so soft the words barely carried back to the cousins but the pain in it was easy to hear. "He died saving my life and I left him," Danny put a tentative hand on his shoulder, for Steve the small gesture of support and comfort after he had felt sure he had pushed his team away, was almost too much, "I left him behind, Danno. I couldn't..." his voice broke but he caught himself before he lost control. Danny could almost hear the defences slamming back into place. He had never seen Steve's emotions roller coaster like this. He didn't know what to say or do._

_"It's ok, you're going to get him now, Steve. You're going to go get him." Steve turned and Danny locked eyes with him, heart lurching at the grief he saw there. He nodded, pulling himself up straight again. Danny had a horrible feeling that he knew the answer as he asked the next question, "Where is the exchange taking place? Where have you to go?"_

_Steve smiled without mirth, "Korea, Danny."_

* * *

Danny took a deep breath. He didn't think he had realised how much the idea of Steve even just flying OVER Korea upset him. If his friend never even SAID the word Korea again it would be ok with Danny. According to Catherine though in thirty minutes or so they would be airborne. It had gone safely.

Once they had Steve home then they could start helping him to work through this, helping him to heal. He was worried, he'd never seen his friend so messed up. However, Danny would be lying if he wasn't also a little euphoric that he would be home safe in around eighteen hours. The dangerous bit was over - well, unless you felt trying to get SuperSEAL to deal with things that he had managed to repress for almost three years, dangerous.

He already had a plan, he would take Steve out and let him eat to much, drink too much. He, Danny, would talk too much, get Steve to talk back. There were some major issues he needed to address, Danny thought of the little crystal cross but shut that train of thought down immediately, not going there. Maybe that one could keep, but the death of his father and Freddie, back to back, Steve hadn't even started to deal with those.

He'd already discussed taking a couple of days off with Kono and Chin to spend on anything Steve needed. He would suggest another tuna fishing trip, though this time he'd carry a sat phone strapped to his body. Hell, he'd even let Steve drag him up one of those ridiculous volcanoes the islands were littered with! Whatever it would take to remove the haunted look from his friend's eyes.

Satisfied with his plan, he went to tell Chin and Kono the good news. He hit print on his last report. The change in the atmosphere in the office at the news was tangible as the entire team breathed properly for the first time in over twenty four hours.

Then his phone rang again.

"Listen I was just calling to say that we, ah, we're not coming back just yet, there's something we gotta do."

Danny only vaguely followed the rest of the conversation over the sound of his blood rushing in his ears.

_the smell of damp stale air and dried blood...I'll be thinking about you the whole time...I'm sorry I'm so sorry...I screwed up... Is he alive?...We come back with Steve or we don't come back...bruises and burns...a confused look..."Where's Wo Fat?"...broken ribs...machine gun fire..._

"Danny?" He suddenly realised Chin had been speaking to him.

"You ok, brah?" He was looking at him intently.

"Yea, you?" he looked at his team members and could tell they were as ok as he was with this new development.

"Well, at least he called this time?" Kono asked, her inflection turning the statement into a question. She was shifting uncomfortably from one foot to another, concern all over her face.

Chin gave a humourless laugh, looking at the extremely still Danny.

He finally seemed to come back to life, "I don't know, maybe my nerves could cope with not knowing he's out there doing something SEAL stupid." He began to pace, arms whirling "I mean does he ever...'there's something we gotta do'? I mean is he for real? He needs to realise that he can't just pull this kinda thing. Just call us up from a billion miles away and let us know that he is about to do something stupid and knowing him crazy dangerous...does he think...sorry, what am I saying of course he doesn't think. He gets all training and aneurism face and stupid sense of honour..." he paused for a breath.

The other two just stood silently watching him. He ran a hand through his hair, at this rate he would be bald at forty, that's if he hadn't died of a SEAL stress induced illness.

"Calm down, Danny," Kono looked at him and tried to smile but he could see the tension still in the way she held herself, the anxious look in her eyes. "Catherine is with him...surely she'll make sure he doesn't do anything too dumb."

"I don't know," Chin shook his head, "Steve is a bit of a blind spot for her and she is every bit as reckless as he is at times." He was rarely the pessimistic one of the group, his own stress was also showing.

Kono thought about Catherine, Chin was right, "Thanks, cuz, that doesn't help."

Chin just shrugged. A tense silence fell over the three. They were powerless once again, knowing without Danny pointing it out in his rant, that Steve was about to put himself in danger where they couldn't back him up.

"We need to get him microchipped, like my Aunt Mildred's Golden Labrador," Danny tried to lighten the mood.

Kono grinned, "How would you get him to agree to that, other boss?"

"Agree? Who says he'll know a thing about it? We could put it in one of those stupid health shakes he insists on drinking..." he was about to expand on his plan to tag the boss when his phone rang again and they all jumped.

Looking at the caller ID Danny shook his head, it wasn't Steve phoning to tell them he was joking and the plane in fact was already on it's way. It was the governor. Danny spoke briefly before hanging up. "Grab your stuff, there is a hostage situation threatening to turn nasty, the governor wants us on it asap."

"Oh thank heaven!" Kono exclaimed with such forceful relief the other two stopped and looked at her. "What?" she huffed, "Tell me you weren't thinking it too!"


	4. Bruising

Danny lent against the bonnet of the Camaro and waited. The plane had arrived a little after 6am, it was now 7.25am. He had watched respectfully from his vantage point at the edge of the airstrip as the flag draped coffin had been unloaded, his keen eyesight making out the figures of Catherine and Steve as Freddie Hart left the plane on this, his last journey. Hard not to feel emotional watching a scene like that, even if it didn't involve people he was close to. He watched Steve and Cath follow the casket as it was moved off the airfield. Well at least they appeared to be both walking, that was a win.

He affected an air of nonchalant ease, his ams folded. His shades covered his eyes hiding the anxious way his gaze kept searching for a sign of his friends approaching. Danny didn't really know if there was anything else happening at that moment, if there were other things that officers accompanying a fallen comrade had to do when they arrived back. A short text from Cath had said they would be out front around 0730, for once Danny had let the military speak slide. She'd sent the message just after the plane had landed. He didn't let on in his reply that he had arrived half an hour earlier, unable to settle and anxious for the relief he had felt as he saw the large transport touch down safely. That went on a list of things his partner did not need to know. Ever.

He didn't know what had led to the delay, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He also knew that until he saw the man he had been ranting about since the phone call that sent his team into a tailspin, he didn't know if he would be hugging or shooting the him. Kono had even suggested he leave his weapon at the office before heading to the base to collect them. The third phone call had not been much more comforting than the second, but at least it confirmed they were alive and actually coming home.

* * *

In the end the call had come in early the next morning just as he had arrived at the office following a long and restless night.

_"Where the hell have you been, Steven?" he strode through the main doors to headquarters to stand at the smart table, putting the call on speaker as he went. Both Kono and Chin were already there and moved quickly to join him._

_"Danny, it's Cath. We're ok." she had spoken rapidly to get the words in before he had a chance to launch another barrage._

_"You're ok? We're ok, she says!" he waved his hands in disbelief towards Kono and Chin._

_"That's good, Cath. Is Steve with you?" Chin put out a hand to silence Danny before he could loose his cool completely. Instead he was prowling around the smart table mumbling dark things about explaining and idiot Navy SEALs._

_"Yea, he's just in a meeting. He has to sort a few things and then we'll be on our way back." Her voice sounded tired. "He wanted to call you himself but...he hasn't had a chance..." she puffed a little laugh, "Honestly, I think he wanted me to ring cos he figured Danny was less likely to yell at me..."_

_"Who me?" Danny held his hands up in disbelief, the laugh on the line was more genuine this time._

_"He knows you too well, Danny." Kono chipped in. "How long until you are back?"_

_"It depends how long the CO keeps us for debriefing."_

_"Debriefing?" Danny mouthed at Chin who shrugged, his face concerned then added out loud keeping his tone light, "You in trouble? I mean you had that all done?"_

_A pause, a little sigh, "We did and then, uh, something came up. But it's fine, nothing we can't handle." They could hear someone in the background. "Look I am going to have to go."_

_"Ok, but you're sure you're both ok?"_

_There was a brief second of hesitation on the other end of the phone. The three exchanged worried glances, "Yes," the tone was forceful, as if trying to convince more than just them, "We'll be fine. We should see you early tomorrow!"_

* * *

The next morning had been confirmed via text. Danny had spent a bad night. He kept waking up, drenched in sweat, machine gun fire in his ears and the smell of his friend's blood in his nose. He was fairly certain the others hadn't slept either as early morning texts to both had got immediate replies - Chin confirming the time of the plane's expected touchdown and Kono gently emphasising that while she would have to arrest Danny should he kill the boss, she would help dispose of the body to ensure all evidence was circumstantial. That had made Danny laugh out loud.

Now, as he had been doing since Steve's explosion in the office what felt like weeks ago, was it really only a few days, he waited to see what the hell was going on. He dragged a hand through his hair again - being shot or maimed due to his partner he had almost accepted, but the idea of premature hair loss had not been on his list of worries until now. He was going to be bald. Steve's fault.

His dark musings about male pattern baldness were interrupted by Steve finally approaching his position. He straightened up but didn't move immediately watching the stiff, tired gait of his friend. He was still in his working uniform, carrying two kit bags.

His eyes moved behind the glasses seeking answers. There was a livid red scar across Steve's forehead above his right eye. The white steri-strips holding it closed did little to reassure Danny Steve had merely had an accident shaving. Dark circles smudged the pale skin under his eyes and he held himself stiffly as if merely standing ached. The haunted look in his eyes lifted momentarily as they locked with Danny's and his face broke into a sudden and genuine grin, the darkness momentarily lifting.

"Hey, Danno," even his voice was tired but showed his pleasure at seeing Danny.

"Don't you, hey Danno, me" Danny huffed with no real heat. His desire to kill disappeared as he remembered the image of his friend, ramrod straight, face expressionless, saluting as the body of his brother-in-arms had been taken off the plane. He'd have his say but it could wait.

"Admit it, ya missed me." Steve pushed his luck, still grinning but also weighing up Danny's body language, quietly assessing as he had been assessed. Danny clearly hadn't got much sleep and there was a small twitch in his cheek only Steve would notice suggesting an emotional barrage being held in check. While he hated that he'd upset Danny and he knew, the other two, this was a good sign. Danny was pissed. He knew he would be, but the fact he wasn't already mid rant meant he wasn't so mad he couldn't select his moment to unleash the tirade about what had happened. That was a good sign, though Steve wondered how bad he must look to be afforded such a privilege. He sighed

"Yea, it's been hard. I drove my own car, haven't been shot, blown up or injured in anyway since you left..." he broke off, noticing the sigh and the haunted look stealing back. "You.." he waved a hand to indicate Steve's person in general, "You on the other hand, look as if you have suffered all three..." he broke off again as Steve almost flinched, memories too fresh and his defences to battered by emotions to keep the truth of Danny's words fully hidden.

It was Danny's turn to sigh. "Honestly. Come here you great goof." He pulled the other man into a bear hug. He felt Steve's stiff body relaxing slightly into his shoulder. A little cough saw them breaking apart from what was perhaps a hug that had extended slightly past a length that was altogether manly. Danny over compensated by slapping a hand hard on Steve's shoulder making him wince slightly.

Both looked into the amused face of Catherine. "You boys need a moment? I could come back?" she grinned and Steve rolled his eyes as Danny moved to hug her too, removing his arm immediately as she hissed unexpectedly in pain.

"What the...? Cath...?" He jumped back keeping hold of her upper arms and looking into her tired pain creased face. Steve had moved to place a comforting hand on her lower back, concern radiating off him.

"It's nothing Danny," her tone was gentle but firm and he noticed her eyes moved to Steve's as if daring him to comment otherwise. "I accidentally bashed a couple of ribs just a bit tender," she moved forward and placed her arms around Danny again, more gently. He gingerly accepted the hug, scared of hurting her. Now both were beside him, he could see the tell tale greens and blacks of assorted bruising on both faces and exposed arms. Danny realised now why Steve appeared to have two kit bags, he was carrying Cath's too. He relieved his friend of one then the other, swinging both into the Camaro's ample boot.

"Had I known that I was collecting the walking dead I would have brought a bus,' he shut the boot, looking round the side of the car. Steve injured he had prepared for, almost reconciled with, but the idea that Catherine was also battered was scary. What exactly had they got themselves into in such a short space of time. He also could imagine that regardless of how she had been injured, Steve would be shouldering the blame. He continued, "I mean if this is what 'somethings come up' looks like in the Army I am not sure I ever want to be around for 'something bad has happened,'" he slammed the boot, and when no-one corrected his military branding he looked round for his passengers.

The two were standing close together beside the passenger door. "I'm fine, Steve," Danny heard Cath's voice, soft and she tenderly lifted her hand and brushed her fingers over the cut on his forehead as he bent his head over to look her fully in her upturned face. He caught her hand and brought it gently to his lips. There was something very intimate about the moment and Danny found himself about to look away when Steve looked up and addressed him.

"Danny, she needs to get these ribs checked out again."

"Uh, yea, sure we can swing by where ever..." Danny moved round to stand beside the two.

"Please, Steve. I just want to go and get some rest...and you...you've barely closed your eyes since this began."

Danny could well believe that from one glance at his friend's haggard face. He closed his eyes briefly at the truth of her words and the gentle tone, but another little grimace she couldn't quite suppress had him motioning her to the car.

"Catherine, I don't want to take any chances with you."

"Steve," there was a warning in her voice.

"I'm serious, Cath."

"I am too."

"You need an x-ray. Make sure nothing shifted during the flight."

"I know nothing has shifted."

"They need properly looked at," both were standing facing each other an angry parody of the scene moments earlier. Danny stood slightly to the side, unsure if he should be worried or amused.

"They are just fine. I've had worse." Danny actually snorted at Steve's favourite line being used against him, but quickly straightened his face when two pairs of angry eyes glared at him.

"It would be sensible to get checked out, Lieutenant.' Steve's voice had taken on his military no-nonsense tone.

Danny almost stepped back as the use of rank made Catherine's eyes flash suddenly. He tried to decide if Steve was brave or just stupid. _Stupid_ he thought as she took a step forward and poked a finger into his chest.

"Oh no, no, no, Commander," Danny briefly wondered if you could get court-martialled for using a tone to a senior officer, because that, right there, was quite a tone. "You are not going there, Steven. My ribs are fine," she prodded his chest at each word though both men knew from experience that the jerky movement must be painful. Danny almost laughed again as Steve actually took a step back under the onslaught, realising he had pushed too hard. Calming herself slightly and allowing her arm to curl protectively round her chest she tried a different approach. "I'll get my ribs checked out when you admit your head wound is worse and agree to get it seen too aswell."

The two locked eyes, engaged in a silent battle of wills. Danny held his breath.

Finally Steve broke eye contact, "Fine," he grunted angrily.

"Fine, what?"

"Fine, no hospital. But if you feel any worse..."

"If I feel anything worse you will be the first to know," the sweet Catherine was back and Danny found himself wishing the others had witnessed their fearless leader being handed his butt by a girl. She stepped closer to him again her tone playful, "Besides, I'll be hanging out with a SEAL, you know those guys have awesome medical training if needed." She stepped round him, and dismissing his protests to at least take the front seat, settled herself in the rear of the car. To her credit she barely grimaced at all during the movement.

"What?"Steve glared at Danny who raised his eyebrows, not even trying to suppress his wide grin. He raised his hands.

"Nothing, Commander. Ouch! What was that for?"

"Navy, Danny. It's the Navy," obviously Steve had heard him earlier. "Now shut up and take us back to mine, please."

Once they were underway, Danny let the silence settle over them as he decided how to proceed. The exhausted and resigned look on Steve's face made the decision for him. He looked like he was bracing himself for the rant of the century, and he looked like it could be the last straw in what Danny saw was barely held together composure. So he didn't ask and he didn't rant. Instead he regaled his friends with what they had missed, including the hostage situation, finished beautifully and with no dumb half-baked ideas and no injuries on either side, well, if you didn't count the gang leader who Kono had successfully winged with her sniper rifle from a second storey window opposite. But no dumb-half-baked-potentially-partner-harming antics had occurred, they had even waited for back-up. Steve had snorted slightly at that statement.

As he spoke Danny kept giving Steve little sideways glances. It said a lot about the ex-SEAL's mental exhaustion that he appeared oblivious to what would have been unwanted attention. Danny wasn't even sure he was actually listening to him. But that didn't matter. He could see Steve beginning to relax.

Good.

He kept talking. Catherine reached a hand forward and squeezed Steve's shoulder. He placed his own over hers and the two shared a half smile in the mirror.

Danny noticed the exchange. He suddenly missed Gabby. Was armed conflict and confrontation a SEAL mating ritual? Thankfully his internal filters slammed that thought before it spilt out. He kept talking though, and aware that no input would be required from him for the journey, Steve lent his head back and allowed the comforting voice of his partner to sooth his aching soul. He felt himself drifting off.

Steve's breathing evened out and it was Danny's turn to catch Catherine's eye in the mirror. She too was heavy eyed, but she winked at him, "Thanks," she mouthed. Her grateful smile not quite removing the tension from her face.

_Okay,_ Danny thought ruefully as he started on an account of Grace's latest school project on volcanoes. His eyes once again swept the exhausted man beside him, the bruising was bad but didn't look serious and he knew if the head injury was really severe, Catherine would have frog marched Steve to the nearest hospital immediately.

Could be worse. He suppressed flashes of burns and bruises, helicopter blades and screams of anguish in night terrors. _Step one, get him home in,_ he mentally reviewed _almost one piece, DONE._


	5. Catherine

The sun was setting as Danny returned to the house. He sat in the driveway a moment, wondering at how much had occurred since he had last sat in the driveway like this.

He had dropped the two limping sailors at Steve's home much earlier extracting promises of rest from both.

* * *

_Steve had jerked awake as Danny switched off the engine, he had seemed slightly disorientated for a moment and by the way he pinched his nose, both Catherine and Danny knew he had a bad headache, a fact he vehemently denied. The adrenaline that had kept him going until he had seen his friend's body back on U.S. soil seemed now completely drained and in the safety of his own home, he had trudged wearily up the stairs to shower under Catherine's worried gaze._

_"You be ok?" Danny hovered a moment, concerned by Catherine's injuries and worried about Steve._

_"Yea, just tired. Hopefully I will get him to sleep," she smiled slightly "Might even crash myself."_

_"Ok, well I'll bring pizza or something over for diner after work," And then maybe you will tell me what the hell happened over there, was unspoken. Aloud he added, "Text me if you need anything."_

_"I will do." She moved to follow Steve upstairs, holding her side protectively. She paused at the bottom step, "And Danny?"_

_He turned in the doorway expectantly._

_"Thanks."_

_He just grinned in reply and left._

* * *

He could see lights on downstairs so someone was about. He got out of the car and walked in the unlocked front door. He was determined to stay tonight until he got some sort of answers.

"Hey!" he called softly from the door as he entered. Receiving no answer he walked through to the kitchen where he found Catherine leaning with her back against the counter, staring into space. She was in sweats and a Navy t-shirt he recognised as Steve's, holding a mug of coffee between two hands as if warming them even though it was one of the hottest days of the year so far.

"Brought dinner."

Catherine started slightly clearly not having heard him enter. She smiled at him but it did little to strip the tired tension from her face, "Danny! Sorry, didn't hear you come in, I was miles away,"

She set the mug down beside her. "Coffee? We probably need a fresh pot, this one's cold."

"Please." Danny nodded, putting the take out boxes on the table. Catherine started moving stiffly round the kitchen. "You guys get some rest? Where is he anyway?"

Catherine paused as she emptied the cold coffee down the sink. "I managed a few hours, not up that long, actually." Danny fought the urge to suggest she clearly needed some more.

"Steve?"

"He's finally asleep again now. I feel asleep almost immediately, of course he insisted I take the good stuff," Danny chuckled knowing Steve had a ready supply of prescription pain meds for various injuries that he stopped taking as soon as Danny stopped checking he was doing what the doctors said.

"I assume he didn't follow your example?"

Catherine snorted, "I know he slept initially but when I woke he was up and busy." she sighed, turning to face him and resuming the pose she had had when he entered, minus the mug.

Danny suddenly became aware of the smell he recognised in the air, gun oil. "Ahh, SEAL relaxation 101. He do them all?" he leant against the table, facing her.

"Every last one, stripped and cleaned."

Danny's worry increased. He remembered the last time Steve had been in Korea. He'd sat for nights on end at the kitchen table watching his friend dismantle and clean his weapons, Danny's weapons, anything he could get his hands on, all with a singleminded, almost frightening focus and skill. He could do it in his sleep, in fact, Danny now realised that is more or less what he did. He could clean and reassemble most weapons without his conscious mind needing to be involved. He could be a million miles away chained to a ceiling by Wo Fat while his body field stripped a rifle at his kitchen table.

_Not healthy, Steve_ Danny sighed to himself.

"I finally persuaded him to go and lie down again and he eventually fell asleep. He's not slept longer that a couple of hours at a time since this started, Danny. Even on the plane..."she shuddered slightly and pushed herself off the counter again, filling the coffee pot and setting it on the stove. Danny watched her back, unsure what to say to ease her worry, not that he could as his own rivalled hers.

She opened one of the overhead cupboards and stretched, unthinking for a mug, gasping at the knife like pain that coursed through her injured side. The mug teetered dangerously.

"Here, for goodness sake let me!" he caught the mug with a deft move, grabbing and steading her with his other hand as she looked about to collapse in agony. "Just breathe,Cath."

She stood for a second, knuckles white as she gripped the counter top then let him gently push her to sit in one of the kitchen chairs. "You really are every bit as bad as he is, aren't you?" he mumbled eliciting a pained laugh from her as he lifted a glass from the still open cupboard, filling it with water.

"Here, take these." he rifled thorough the drawer he knew held discarded pain meds, though the really good stuff was safely in Steve's bathroom cabinet. He was relieved when she didn't protest, but meekly nodded her thanks swallowing the two little pills he shook into her trembling hand. He waited a moment, watching her carefully as she studiously examined the tops of his shoes, "Better?"

She nodded.

"You ok?" they both knew his question was not just about what had just transpired. She looked up at him, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

"Yes...no...I...I really don't know, Danny."

He pulled a chair round for himself facing her, "What happened, Catherine?"

She seemed to cast around for a moment, unsure of where to begin. "Everything went text book until Steve realised that there was a...problem...he...just after I rang you the first time...he discovered, well" she looked up into his eyes, wanting him to understand what she was telling him. "They'd given us the wrong body. The wrong body, Danny? Can you believe that?" she remembered the moment in the hanger when Steve announced he wasn't leaving. She had really, for a terrifying moment, thought he had completely lost his mind. She closed her eyes against the memories.

"What?" Danny was incredulous. "How on earth does something like that...I mean..the wrong body...that's seriously messed up...wait...How did Steve know?"

"A tattoo on his arm..."

"Right..." Danny paused, considering all the varied and far reaching implications of this revelation. That was the something his friend had to take care of when he had rung.

"He refused to leave without Freddie this time."

"Of course he did" Danny stood up and began pacing, "And I suppose official channels were not good or fast enough and Steve just had to swim across the boarder and take on the entire North Korean army singlehandedly." he was mad now, so seriously mad at the whole messed up situation and Steve's place in it.

"He had me." Catherine's tone was sharp, still edged with pain and brought Danny's rant to a complete halt. "And if it was you he would have done the same to bring you home to Grace."

The heat left Danny instantly as he knew the truth in her words. Steve had left his friend before, Danny didn't know details, but he knew Steve, and he knew it had killed him to do so. He slumped back down in his chair, "I know, I'm sorry...I just..."

"I know Danny. I feel the same," she gave him a weak smile.

_At least you had his back_ , Danny's mind threw up unbidden. His subconscious didn't really mean it, but he was so frustrated and felt helpless. When he spoke the words out loud moments later, the meaning behind them had changed. If he, Danny couldn't have been with Steve when things were so FUBAR at least Catherine was someone he could trust to watch out for his partner. Sadly, it appeared this time it had cost her several broken ribs.

"How did you get hurt?"

"Let's just say...we had a little car accident en route. That's where we both got bashed up."

She closed her eyes against the assault of memories. She had seen Steve in action before but never quite like this. This had been personal. Her heart still broke at the memory of his reaction to what had happened to Freddie's body. It had taken everything in her not to throw her rifle aside to comfort him at that moment. She knew it was hard for Danny and the others, not knowing, but she couldn't share this with Danny, that was for Steve to do. The memory of the live grenade under he man's head...she wasn't sure Danny would ever fully understand that.

She suddenly realised she still had her eyes closed. Opening them, she gazed straight into Danny's concerned face, blue eyes searching hers, astutely reading what he saw there. He didn't speak, he waited. She sighed, "Sorry...I just..." she waved her hand distractedly. "Its been a long few days."Danny stood and lifted the coffee pot, retrieving two clean mugs and poured two cups, the take away food forgotten. He handed her the fresh cup and she took it gratefully, sipping the hot liquid before continuing.

"They...I mean, there was a reason of sorts or the mix up. Steve, well he was very upset...let's just say things got a little intense... I've never seen him so all over the place."

_Did you do this to my friend?_

She set the mug on the corner of the table, scrubbing at her face with her hands. "I mean, Danny, how much can one guy take? Seriously?" her voice was louder now, though she was clearly trying to keep it controlled. "I keep waiting. I keep watching all the crap that keeps raining down on him and I keep thinking, 'Is this it? Is this the thing that finishes him?' and I hold my breath, and he just takes the hits and he keeps getting up again, and he keeps going...I don't even know how..."

She paused, locking eyes with her lover's best friend, "I think he needs to stay down a while this time, Danny. I really think he does. He needs to take some time and come to terms with Freddie's death and his dad and the ten million other things that have gone wrong for him. No more pushing it down and getting on with it. The cracks are starting to show."

She was talking quickly now, as if she was scared that if she didn't get the words out now she never would. "He opened up a bit to me while we were away, about his Freddie, about his dad and what happened. That was big, we both know how he feels about 'sharing'" her tone as she said that as well as the air quotes she inserted made Danny laugh despite himself. Catherine's mouth twisted up a little two as she continued. "I know he'll talk to you, Danny. We have to get him to talk about this, to open up. He needs to realise that he isn't alone any longer."

Her eyes became distant as she continued. "I've seen it happen you know, the job, the things they see and do, the people they loose on the job. It can go bad...well, I mean you met Nick Taylor," Danny almost growled at the mention of that name. Just one more person on the growing list of friends that had betrayed Steve.

If Catherine noticed the reaction she didn't show it. "He was an extreme case, usually it's more subtle. It's possible for them to just...loose themselves...stop caring...Oh not everyone. But it happens, it happens to men who haven't had to deal with a quarter of what Steve has, I mean, it's not about a job, most of this for him, it's his family. It's personal..." She closed her eyes again briefly.

"When I heard about his dad and Freddie...I was so scared for him, it was so hard, being so far away...not always guaranteed even a short phone call. But then he started talking about you, about Five-0, Chin and Kono and little Grace and I knew he was going to make it through again," her voice was starting to break now, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. She swiped them away annoyed at herself.

Danny captured one of her hands in his, hating to see her so upset and not really sure what to do. Crying women were not his forte and his heart hurt for her, for Steve.

"He trusts you, Danny. Having lost one brother, he found another, I mean he has the family he lost back in in you guys... He amazes me, Danny. He was seen so many terrible things and he still cares, he still wants to help. He still lets himself trust you guys."

Danny knew the truth of her words, remembering immigration papers for a bereaved family, an international incident to capture a rapist and murderer, reservations at a fancy hotel for the guy who had slugged him days before so Grace could swim with the dolphins. They all cared, but Steve's compassion ran deep. He'd often thought it one of the Navy man's more surprising qualities, given his propensity for strange and unusual interrogation techniques and, you know, his ability to kill people with his bare hands.

"I want him to realise he's not alone. I am not on a carrier 3,000 miles away, and you guys are here and want to help him. He'd take a bullet for anyone of you but..." she choked back a little sob.

"...but cant believe we'd do the same. Yea, I know. He and I have discussed it at length a few times." Danny understood immediately what she meant.

Catherine chuckled through her tears at that. "Exactly!" she stood awkwardly now, too agitated to sit, pacing just as Danny wanted to. He kept his seat however, not wanting to interrupt when Catherine so clearly needed to say these things. "I just wish I knew what it would be next. So any betrayals, so much loss...His dad, Freddie...Jenna the list just keeps getting bigger! Don't even mention Doris..."

She stopped her pacing movement and turned to look at the lengthening shadows beyond the window. Her voice suddenly softer, "He used to ring me, you know. April 19. First coupe of times I didn't realise, but the third time he was embedded deep, he had to go out of his way to reach me. We both know Steve never calls just to say hi especially not from where he was! I worked it out six months later when I actually saw him again...after that when he called on that day I knew...the anniversary of her death...he was still grieving for her, you know. All his adult life. Then he discovers she was 'murdered.' I got a phone call that night as well..."

Danny considered this new piece of information, once more silently cursing the whole mess.

Now the tears were flowing much faster and her voice barely held together as she went on. "Even me, Danny. In the whole mess, I betrayed him too, not telling him what I knew about his mum...I thought I could spare him that much but...I hurt him so much more."

She stopped talking for a moment as the sobs began to shake her body. She and Steve were okay. They were more than okay even, forced by events with Doris to have a couple of conversations they had thus far avoided in their relationship. If anything things between them were slightly more defined than before. Events of the last days had put any remaining hesitations between them to rest, but the idea that she had added to his hurt still stung her.

Danny watched her becoming more upset. He hated seeing her like this, knew things had got bad for her and SuperSEAL for a little while, he'd provided the beer and shoulder for Steve as he worked through the issues raised and finally placed blame where Danny firmly believed it lay, Doris. They had also seen them emerging stronger than before, still denying that they were actually in a relationship. _Idiots never admitting their feelings, even now._

Danny looked at the woman in front of him so clearly in love with his partner and felt very protective of her. Catherine never appeared vulnerable, sure Danny had been trying to get a rise out of Steve when he called her Ramboette but she did have the same Navy, 'nothing scares me' aura that Steve projected. She was not a girly girl. He was almost at a loss seeing her so small and fragile...And the fears she was voicing. He understood them. He shared them. He stood up, moving towards her, "Shh, babe."

"We got through it...but Danny. He's so hurt by everything. So tired... It's...it's just not fair...what else is coming? We both know there will be more and...I am so frightened he'll get hurt...or...or..."

Danny had heard enough, his own eyes were damp, "Shh. Come here..." he pulled her gently towards him, and she buried her head in his chest and sobbed as if her heart was going to break.


	6. The Clearing

_He cut through the water with a practised ease. He wasn't pushing himself to his maximum, but he wasn't slacking. He estimated he'd been swimming for nearly an hour. His mind clear of most thoughts. The sea was perfectly calm and he enjoyed the feeling of the ocean rushing past his body as he powered through it. He was glad he hadn't given in to the overwhelming fatigue he had been feeling and had decided to swim. Strangely he didn't actually remember making the decision._

_On the home straight, he slowed his stroke, taking time to drink in the view around him. Rolling seamlessly onto his back he pondered the world. The sun was just up and his surroundings still had that beautiful golden glow the early morning Hawaiian sun gave to everything. There was a gentle breeze, cool and pleasant. He felt good._

_Only for a moment though. There was a niggle. A slight feeling that something was...well...off...he pushed it down. He felt a sudden need to get to shore and resumed his journey with a little more speed._

_As he neared the house there was a figure on the sand at the waters edge. He pulled himself to a dead stop in shock. Rubbing salt water from his eyes he peered again towards the man, it was Danny. The sudden chill however didn't leave his body. It wasn't his dad. He hadn't seen his dad. His mind was playing tricks. He needed to get to the shore._

_The sense of foreboding increased as he read Danny's body language. The detective appeared to be on the phone and was pacing agitatedly along the edge of the surf. He needed to get to shore._

_The effort to swim the last meters seemed to sap all of Steve's strength. He called out to Danny but he didn't seem to hear him. Whoever was on the phone was making him very angry. Steve needed to get to him and see what was wrong. He needed to get to the shore._

_The sense of impending danger was overwhelming. Danny needed him. Finally in the shallows he pulled himself to stand._

_Wait! He suddenly realised why the last few meters in the water had been so difficult. His clothing! Why had he gone swimming in his full combat gear? His combats stuck to him and his boots sloshed. The body armour was made even heavier by the salt water and it poured from the barrel of his rifle._

_Swearing he bent to check the weapon. To his relief it appeared to have dried completely almost the instant he bent towards it. Slamming the magazine back in place he straightened up to find himself in a clearing._

_The clearing._

_The golden sunlight that had been so calming in the water was glaring here. The gentle breeze hissed menacingly through the long grasses. Something vital was missing. Someone._

_"Freddie!" his voice sounded strange. There was no response._

_He had to find his friend. His brother. Why wasn't he answering?_

_An overwhelming sense of panic threatened to steal his breath completely. He started forward down the track but his movements felt all wrong. His breath was coming in short pants. He tried to calm it, succeeding only slightly._

_He sensed rather than saw the movement off to his side, whirling finger on trigger. "Fred?" It had to be him. He crashed into the undergrowth after him. Calling his name again._

_Suddenly he fell, tripping on a freshly dug hole in the ground. The figure he knew was Freddie, didn't stop or turn, despite his pleas. Steve tried but failed to get up even though somehow his heavy uniform was gone and he was in combats and a black shirt. He felt exposed without his body armour. Danger and death seemed to surround this place._

_He focused on the ground below him. He struggled to get up but failed again. He realised it wasn't just a hole he was in. It was a grave._

_He scrambled backwards, nausea growing in the pit of his stomach._

_"Backup! You never call for backup..."_

_Danny was back stepping over Steve's feet as he passed the bottom of the freshly dug grave, phone still clamped to his ear. Yelling. "You'll kill us all with your stupidity!" He didn't stop to help Steve up, didn't even acknowledge him until he had passed. Then he turned locking his eyes on Steve's, "Fine then, you are on your own, Commander."_

_Steve fell back at the hatred in the other man's eyes, he opened his mouth but the man was gone._

_And Steve was still unable to get up. He was half in half out of the grave. There was a body in it. It hadn't been there moments before._

_Steve's hands trembled. He knew. Instantly. He knew who it was. Knew who lay under the filthy, flimsy material covering the face._

_He wanted to scream. To rage against it. To run away. But he couldn't._

_Almost against his will he moved forward. He knew he was mumbling, incoherent words of denial falling from his mouth. The body was fresh. It had been damaged. Mangled limbs lay at wrong angles. How could they? How dare they?_

_The anger and grief was overpowering. The pain in his chest felt as though he'd been shot. He knew what he would see but he couldn't prevent it. His hand reached out, shaking uncontrollably and pulled back the shroud..._

* * *

He bolted upright in bed, sucking at the air as if suffocating. It took a few moments for the full strength of the panic to subside. Drenched in sweat he struggled to calm his breathing as he became more aware of his surroundings. He was home. Safe in his bed. His hammering heartbeat pounded and he could hear the blood swooshing past his ears.

Ramming his fists against he eyes he fought to push the images from his dream away. He almost succeeded but the final image remained, flooding his vision.

Catherine.

His Catherine, dead in front of him. Her beautiful face damaged almost beyond recognition.

His fault.

The nausea grew too much and he dashed to the bathroom, emptying what little he had eaten into the toilet bowl. He sat back against the bath for a few moments. The feeling of panic caused by the dream even now trying to keep its hold.

Catherine was fine. She was ok.

The injured ribs would heal. In fact now he was awake he was able to feel relief that she hadn't still been in the bed beside him. He knew she was worried enough about him without her having to witness his... 'moment of weakness' his brain helpfully supplied, shying away from the term nightmare.

Pulling himself up to splash water on his face, he listened and could hear the sound of voices downstairs. 'Danny' he thought smiling slightly to himself. He glanced at his face in the mirror. The sight helped him fight the urge to go straight downstairs to hold Catherine and chase the lingering dream away with the reality of her in front of him. If Danny was here she was definitely alright and he could spare a few moments to make himself look less like... _a corpse_ he shuddered, once more his brain was feeling helpful.

Turning on the shower he removed his soaked clothing and stepped under the warm water.

* * *

In the kitchen Catherine was reheating pizza while Danny gathered plates. Both looked at him as he came in. Catherine came towards him and reached up to kiss his cheek. He surprised her by pulling her gently into an embrace, relishing her wholeness, her scent even.

"Are you smelling my hair?" she asked surprised.

"Of course not," he released her but kept his hands on her arms. "That'd be a bit creepy." He grinned at her. Reaching to gently ghost his fingers across the right side of her forehead, pushing the last of the nightmare image aside as he confirmed her lack of injury. His eyes narrowed as he noticed the redness still around her eyes. He moved his fingers down to touch her cheek.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine. Just you know..." she shrugged smiling gently, her sad eyes searching his face. He looked tired and his own smile wasn't fully reaching his eyes, "How about you, Mr Hair Sniff?"

"I'm fine."

"Bad dreams?"

His smile grew slightly at how well she read him. "Nothing I can't handle."

They stayed close for another moment. Each knowing the other was lying, they would talk later. For now food was more important.

"Danny brought pizza."

"Excellent, D," Steve called tearing his eyes from Cath's and seeking out Danny who had retreated to the Liana to afford the couple some privacy. He poked his head back in the kitchen when he heard his name.

"No worries."

They ate their pizza while Danny filled them in on the case that had just started. Steve listened to his partner talk, Catherine occasionally chipping in and let his mind drift to the coming afternoon.

He needed to decide what to do with the dog tags even now heavy in his pocket. He was nervous, especially of meeting Freddie's daughter for the first time. He'd seen Kelly before she was born, but he hadn't managed to see the baby, little girl he corrected himself. She was over two now.

He had spoken to Freddie's parents several times but he would be lying if he wasn't dreading seeing them. How would they feel towards him in the flesh, knowing that he was alive and Freddie wasn't. He remembered the body in the shallow grave and shuddered involuntarily.

"Steve?" He suddenly realised Danny was speaking to him.

"Sorry, D. I was miles away." He pulled what he hoped was a reassuring smile towards his two concerned looking friends. He forced himself to focus on what was being said for a few minutes longer.

Then Catherine stood grimacing slightly. "I'm going to soak in the bath and then I think I'll head back to bed."

She paused behind Steve's chair as she passed. She ruffled his hair slightly, kissing the top of his head, her hand on his shoulder. He covered it with his, "Ok, I'll be up in a bit."

"Yea, I'll believe that when it happens. Night, Danny."

"Sleep well, Cath." They watched as she left the room.

Finally Danny broke the silence, "So, Korea. Is that like on the list of SEAL top places to take a date?"

Steve snorted a laugh at that. He lifted his bottle and walked outside to sit on the deck. Danny followed and they sat side by side.

"I mean, should I consider taking Gabby?"

"Naw, she's not as into hiking as Cath."

"True, true."

There was a pause, Steve's eyes grew troubled, "She could have been killed, Danno. It would have been my fault." He ran a hand thorough his hair and took a long drink from his bottle. Pushing down the emotions that were much to close to the surface for his liking.

Danny sighed deeply. Yep, Mr Guilty alright, "Look I don't know what happened. However, did you make her go with you? Use Hypnosis? Drugs? Spray her with SEAL pheromones?"

Another involuntary smile appeared at that then Steve looked away, "I tried to stop her."

"There you go then. If you tried and it obviously didn't work, then you are not to blame."

Steve remained silent, images of Catherine at gun point on the bridge affecting his perspective on things.

"Seriously, Steve. She is a big girl. She knew what she was getting into when she started dating you. I mean, armed conflict was a cert at some point."

Steve grunted a laugh at that. They both took sips of their drinks, each lost in thought.

"You ok man?" Danny felt slightly uncomfortable asking the question, not sure if he should press his friend.

"I'll be fine." The use of tense was not lost on Danny. He was mildly surprised that Steve would so easily admit he wasn't ok. For once he really didn't know what to say, so he said nothing.

More time passed.

"I've been to lots of funerals. Too many. But this...this will be different. It's...he was like my brother..." he pinched the bridge of his nose. His mind was back at the shallow grave. He drained his bottle, resting his head back heavily in the chair. "I mean I have to see his family. I have to look them in the eye...knowing he didn't come back because of me..."

"You brought him home though."

"In a box, Danny." Danny cringed at the sudden bitterness in Steve's voice. He stood up suddenly. "I left him behind." his voice was full of emotion, "I left him behind. My best friend...Danny...I left my best friend to bleed to death." he pinched the bridge of his nose again, trying to blot out the images, "They had...they...his body..." his voice broke suddenly and he stopped speaking.

"Babe...?" Danny sat round in his chair so he was looking directly at his friend. But Steve had caught himself again, refusing to let go, not now, not until the funeral was over.

"Nothing, D. Nothing..." He slumped down into his chair again, putting his arm across his eyes, "Just...sometimes..." his voice was soft, "Sometimes...I wish I had chosen a different life."


	7. Brothers and Breakdowns

In the end it was Freddie's father who finally broke the walls even his team showing up unexpectedly at the funeral had failed to fully breach.

"He told me, you know, not long before he died, about what you did for him."

"Sir?' Steve's expression showed his confusion.

"At BUDs...that he's been about to quit but you hadn't let him."

"I..."

Mr Hart motioned him to silence. "No, Steve. Just listen to me. You forget how long you two were friends. I know you, through Freddie's stories and your visits - I might not be good at talking much, but I see and hear things. And I think I know you well enough to know you feel responsible." he paused searching the face in front of him, "I can even guess that in some twisted way you regret convincing him to stay in BUDs all those years back." He put his hand on Steve's shoulders as he saw the truth of his words on the younger man's face. Steve dropped his gaze his eyes closing, clearly fighting his distress.

Danny unconsciously took a step towards the two men, still unobserved but no longer pretending he wasn't listening.

"Son," Mr Hart continued, ducking his own head down seeking eye contact to ensure Steve was hearing what he had to say. His voice was full of emotion, "Steve," Steve lifted his head, Danny saw the effort it cost his friend to meet the other man's eyes.

"Listen to me. He loved the Navy, being a SEAL," there was a fierce pride in his voice now and he straightened up. "And he was damn good at it. I know for a fact in doing it he saved many lives and served his country well. He died a hero, doing what he loved..." Steve nodded at this, not trusting his voice. "He rang before he left that last time...obviously he didn't say but we knew he was going somewhere dangerous, told his mother not to worry, he was going to catch up with you...I know he wanted to tell you in person about Kelly..."

He paused, swallowing thickly, "I know you can't tell us details and we would never put you in that position, but if he died saving your life..." Again a mute nod, "He wouldn't have wanted it any other way. He loved you, you were the brother his mother and I could never give him..." his voice threatened to break but he kept going. "And it helps us too, you know? If he hadn't done that... well, you wouldn't be here now, helping all these people on the islands...Melissa was worried about you...everything happened so fast, Freddie, your father...Today was hard but its done her heart good to see you are doing so well, surrounded by such great people," at this he looked directly across the short distance at Danny, locking eyes with him in a silent acknowledgement. Steve, his head down again, missed the exchange.

He motioned behind him to the little girl, already asleep, being strapped gently into her carseat by Kelly.

"Kelly's doing ok. We appreciate everything you've done for her, keeping in touch and sending things for our girl. Shame we haven't seen you in person in so long. That little Tyke is already so like her father, stubborn and constantly looking for mischief."

Steve huffed a laugh at this, seeming to find his voice, "Why does that not surprise me, sir," then a little hesitantly, "She has his eyes."

"And his laugh,' the proud grandfather smiled fondly, then grew serious, "Part of him lives on in her..." he tailed off and both men watched silently, heads full of Freddie, as Kelly tenderly kissing the sleeping girl's forehead, her hand lingering on the dog tags still around the little girl's neck. She straightening up suddenly and moved quickly round the car to get herself. "I'd better get them back, it has been a long day."

He turned back to face Steve, "We're proud of you, son. Remember that. Stay in touch." Steve seemed frozen by the words as he was pulled into a swift bear hug, barely having time to return it before the man was in the car and the little family was gone.

_I loved your daddy..._

Steve didn't watch the car leave. He didn't seem to notice Danny standing a little behind him. Instead he turned blindly back through the house. The wake had started to wind down with the majority of the guests having already left.

As he crossed the living room, the voices he had shut out increased. He picked up his pace, shedding his cover and jacket as he walked suddenly finding the heat oppressive. He was trying to outstrip the emotions the man's words had caused.

_Promise me something...no, no, no, no_

He moved through the lanai, barely acknowledging the thanks of another guest, his focus clearly on the shimmering Pacific where the low tide surf sparkled in the searing afternoon sun. Trembling fingers tugged at his tie as his walk increased its pace. He wasn't really there any more.

_Tell my little girl her daddy loved her..._

_I didn't say it enough...Victor listen..._

_I love you son..._

Images and voices grew louder in his head. For a brief moment Danny thought he was going to just walk straight into the turquoise water and start swimming - but instead he veered right along the sand heading beyond the trees where he would be hidden from the sight of the few remaining guests at the wake.

In his haste he almost knocked Chin over as he tried to intercept his clearly upset friend. Steve didn't seem to see him, barely breaking his stride and Chin let him go, joined seconds later by Kono as they watched the rapidly disappearing figure.

Pausing momentarily on the terrace, Danny was glad few people seemed to have noticed Steve's erratic progress. Joe White was with a group of about four other SEALs, former team members of Steve and Freddie. They were deep in debate about something, Danny saw Joe quietly track Steve's departure but the others seemed oblivious.

Danny smiled grimly though as he saw the three other pairs of eyes that were watching Steve's rapid retreat. Family. He returned Catherine's gaze across the lawn, his "I've got this," unspoken. She nodded slightly, half heartedly returning to the conversation she was having with an older man in uniform, but charting Danny's progress after their friend.

He squeezed Chin's arm as he passed him and felt the man relax slightly, knowing Danny too had seen Steve's flight. "Freddie's dad," was all he whispered by way of explanation to the pair. Chin nodded in grim understanding. Kono's face was worried but she gave Danny an encouraging smile, "Go sort him out, Danny."

_No pressure_ Danny thought grimly.

* * *

In the end he was surprisingly easy to find, he had stopped not to far up the beach. He sat in the soft sand his knees bent supporting his elbows, his face hidden in his hands. He had discarded his shoes and socks, his tie had also gone and the sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled up, the top couple of buttons obviously yanked open. Even from a short distance away, Danny could see he was having trouble controlling his breathing.

He paused a moment, trying to decide how best to proceed, his own heart ached.

"Won't you get shot or something for messing up the dress blues?" his tone was light but he was assessing the hands that were shaking. There was a short laugh in response. Steve lifted his head and Danny saw the red rimmed eyes, his damp cheeks.

"Oh, babe. Come here..." He dropped to the sand beside the man he now considered his best friend, brother even, and pulled him into an embrace.

Finally the dam that had been held inside for almost three years broke and Steve let go of everything he had been holding in. He gripped Danny's arm with both hands burying his head in the other man's shoulder. Danny just held him shushing softly as he would Grace, his own eyes wet as harsh sobs wracked Steve's body leaving him almost unable to breathe. Only Danny's solid form pressed against his seemed to prevent him shattering into a thousand pieces as the long suppressed images and voices replayed in glorious Technicolor in his head.

_No, no, no, no...Promise...full immunity and means..._

_Promise..._

_...You should get that...I'm sorry I lied to you...I love you son..._

_...promise me... my mother was murdered?_

_...promise me... ._

_..doesn't get much better than this...get out of here you stupid...did you do this?_

_..promise me... it wasn't for nothing...did you do this to my friend?_

_...I need to know how bad it is..._

_Who packed that chute for you..._

_Promise me something..._

_did you do this to my friend?_

_...promise me something...No, no, no, no..._

_I loved your daddy._

* * *

Danny wasn't sure how long the storm lasted, but eventually Steve's breathing began to return to normal and he loosened his grip on Danny, allowing him to shift slightly. He was very stiff from sitting still to long. He'd be bruised from Steve's grip tomorrow but welcomed the slight ache as it helped him retain his own composure in the face of Steve's breakdown.

Steve straightened, sitting back slightly and rubbing his hands across his face, clearing the last of the moisture from his eyes. Embarrassed or too tired to hold his head up, Danny wasn't sure, he kept his gaze on the sand between his feet, a similar position to the one Danny had found him in, though this time Danny was there beside him. He kept a hand on Steve's shoulder, offering comfort and support.

Neither spoke.

Another undefined period of time seemed to pass.

Danny became aware of movement coming towards them, he looked up. Chin and Kono's cautious approach sped up slightly as Danny nodded to them. His sad smile answered the question in Chin's gaze. Steve seemed unaware of them until they too dropped to the sand next to him. Kono pressed a bottle of water into the hands of each man without comment and they drank gratefully. Steve briefly wondered if he should be embarrassed at his team seeing him with his defences down, but when he saw nothing but concern and affection in their faces he accepted their silent presence for what it was.

They sat together like that for a short while, each lost in quiet contemplation, Danny furtively watching Steve's face regain it's normal equilibrium.

It was Kono who finally spoke, "I totally love what you've done to the uniform."

Steve looked down, slightly dazed, almost as if he hadn't noticed his dishevelled appearance. His gaze searched the sand as if expecting to find his discarded jacket there.

"Don't panic, Brah. Catherine thought you might need this," she held up the carefully folded jacket and cover they hadn't noticed she had brought. "She's busy seeing some Admiral off the premises. Your SEAL buddies look bedded in for the night though, there was talk of a keg..."

Danny rolled his eyes at that, "Oh great, just what we need, a whole team of SEALs, well lubricated and looking for something to blow up."

Chin and Kono laughed at that and Steve looked up grinning tiredly.

"Come on Popeye, we better get you back." Danny and Chin hauled Steve to his feet. Danny carefully appraised his friend. His face was haggard and the dark smudges under his eyes were probably worse than earlier, but his eyes seemed clearer and the shake in his hands as he retied his tie was barely visible. "I'll have you know, SEALs can handle their drink and we rarely go looking for things to blow up, should the opportunity present itself however..."

The other three laughed again, more out of relief that Steve was prepared to attempt engaging with Danny's comments than anything else. Danny kept his hand on his arm, Chin straightened the tie and Kono held the jacket up for him. One of them produced his shoes from somewhere too, Steve had no memory of discarding them.

He felt slightly removed from events. He looked at them feeling almost disbelief. Why were they there? Why had they shown up at the funeral, but most of all, why deep down inside had he not been surprised to see them there?

He didn't speak but felt the warmth in their encouraging and concerned smiles, their small talk and gentle banter as he reassembled himself and his emotions.

He suddenly felt stronger than he had since this began. Maybe Catherine was right, he needed time and help to work through this. How had she put it, "Get it through that bullet proof skull of yours that it's ok to grieve. You are not alone here. Idiot!" He'd learned the hard way, she was usually right. His mouth lifted in to a small half smile. He'd be alright and he now realised they would have his back until he was.

By the time his jacket was on and he had his cover in his hands his defences were also back in place. Danny was pleased to see that to the uninitiated in McGarrett, he looked almost his normal invincible self. His friends, however could see the toll recent events had taken.

"There, the Navy's poster child is back" Danny asked, dusting Steve's shoulder, looking into his friend's eyes, "Ready?"

His only reply was Steve pulling himself slightly straighter and setting his face in it's usual unreadable mask.

Flanked by his team, his family, Commander Steven J McGarrett returned to the fray.


	8. Friendship and Firepits

Danny hung up his goodnight call to Grace and observed the group before him. The fire was lit in the pit and the few remaining guests at Freddie's wake were gathered around it, laughing, exchanging stories and enjoying the keg of beer that had suddenly appeared just as miraculously as the dress blues all seemed to disappear. There were four other SEALs plus Joe White and Catherine still there. Chin had left as this section of the day's formalities got underway, Kono had remained, but Chin insisted that this way Five-0 would have at least one man hangover free the next day.

Danny watched as Steve accepted the cup offered by the youngest of the SEALs, James, Danny thought his name was, though the other Navy men insisted on calling him 'Clip' for a reason Danny had yet to fathom.

Clip had been the rookie in Freddie's last team, reading between the lines Danny guessed Freddie had taken the then green young man under his wing and kept him alive his first six months on active duty. Danny had been amused when speaking to him to also discover how in awe of one lieutenant Commander S. McGarrett the highly trained young SEAL had only met once before when Freddie had let the newbie tag along one leave. Steve, it appeared, remained somewhat of a legend at 'SEAL school' as Danny called it. He and Kono had hit it off as the young sailor was also a surf nut and Danny was amused to notice the flirtation that the two were enjoying, maybe it was as well Chin had left!

Steve took a drink from the cup and flopped down on the lounger beside Cath, laughing at something that she said. Danny was pleased to see his more relaxed demeanour, he was running on fumes but Danny knew sitting talking with people who knew Freddie like this was something he needed.

Granted Steve wasn't really talking much. He remained even more introspective than usual, but as the evening wore on he laughed occasionally, and contributed a comment here and there. For the most part he seemed to be just soaking up the presence of the others. Catherine was keeping a concerned eye on him, but she too seemed more relaxed. His 'moment' on the beach seemed to have released the pent up tension and allowed him to rebuild his defences.

Danny hesitated to go and join them, unsure if he should stay or leave Steve with the guys who had actually known Freddie. It was strange seeing his partner in the centre of this group of elite soldiers, more than that, respected by these men. He wasn't sure if he should be proud or scared that the BAMF Navy SEALs thought his partner was tough! He was just musing on this when Steve glanced back at him, eyebrows raised in question. Danny took that as an invitation and realised his friendship with Steve gave him the right to be there. He moved into the space Steve created for him at his side. The arm he casually slung across Danny's shoulders for a moment removed any last hesitation Danny had about staying. Clip furnished him with a fresh pint.

Joe White had the floor "You know when the MPs call you to the gate at 3am that it'll be something good." Joe took another pull on his beer. He had everyone's full attention. "But really, this was a new one on me."

"Joe, I think its getting late. Shouldn't an old man like you be in bed?" Steve's blatant attempt to stop the story in its tracks adding to the amusement of the others gathered. It was the most animated he had been in days and Danny immediately grinned at him.

"Oh this must be good," Danny chimed in, very much enjoy the way Steve squirmed good naturedly beside him. Joe merely glanced at Steve before continuing his tale, "In all my years dealing with drunken sailors, this was the first time I ever saw anything like it."

"Seriously Joe. They," he gestured the small group at the fire pit, "don't need to hear this, sir."

"Oh we do," Kono, a little tipsy chimed in.

Danny glanced at Steve who appeared to be struggling to keep his face neutral, their eyes met and a smirk flicked across the ex-SEAL's face but it quickly returned to a neutral mask that mirrored Joe's own deadpan expression.

"I was greeted by the sight of Lietenants Hart, Wright and your very own McGarrett dressed as if they were going to a wild west rodeo, complete with saloon girl." A whoop of laughter almost drowned him out.

"We were practicing the art of disguise," Steve sat at attention, deadpanning his response as Danny could imagine him doing all those years before.

"Blending in."

"I am not convinced it was working, though I must say your make up was surprisingly good."

"Thank you, sir. You trained us to improvise."

Kono was clinging to Clip by this stage and Danny was doubled over so far he could hardly breathe. Tears of laughter were threatening to roll down his cheeks.

"You were the girl, boss?" Kono managed to choke out.

"I can neither confirm or deny," this brought another wave of hysterical laughter from the assembly.

"Please," Danny wiped the tears from his eyes, "Please tell me someone had the foresight to record this moment for posterity."

"Classified, Danny boy, that would be Classified," Steve took another drink.

"Actually there is a photo up in the SEAL bar in Coronado, copies should be easy to come by," Clip chimed in, blanching slightly at the dirty look Steve gave him. "I mean...if that would be ok with you...um...sir. I mean...um"

This drew hoots of laughter from the rest, especially Danny and Kono, "Sounds like you are famous, Boss." Clip was blushing now and the laughter increased at his embarrassment.

"Leave the tadpole alone, Steve," Catherine teased.

Steve grinned at the younger man before his discomfort could increase. He took another deep drink. "I think I remember something about a camera and photo.I am fairly certain it was Freddie's idea."

Joe barked a laugh and resumed his narrative, "I was always been more concerned that you thought the MPs wouldn't notice three, six foot, soon to be Navy SEALs, sneaking back onto base well after curfew... In that get up."

"In our defence, sir, we were really really dunk."

"That I can attest to"

"We probably would have made it too, if the chicken hadn't bitten Fred at the wrong moment," Steve continued to defend their actions with mock solemnity.

"The chicken, Steven?"

"Yes, Danny. There might have been a chicken involved."

Kono had slid off her chair to the ground laughing at this point.

"It was to cheer up old Belch there, remind him of home " Steve gestured toward the large Texan SEAL on Danny's left who had been through basic training with Freddie and Steve.

"Dog was bringing it back for me. I had been hurt in training the day before and was missing out on a trip home," the large bear like man offered, his face also serious though clearly enjoying winding up the small detective.

"A chicken?" Danny oddly enough felt further clarification was necessary. "Why a chicken?"

"My family have a large cattle ranch back home." Danny missed the wink Steve shared with the other man. "Then why a chicken?"

Danny appealed to the group at large, his voice raising in amused exasperation, his hands gesturing wildly.

Joe merely watched the exchange, drinking deeply from his beer. Catherine was clutching at her broken ribs, crying with laughter. Steve pulled her in towards him, supporting her against his chest, his serious demeanour not altering.

"Danny, think about it for a second, where on earth would we have got a cow in Coronado at three o'clock in the morning."

The group erupted. Even Danny.

"Anyway," Joe resumed his story, "Hart insisted on feeding the MPs a story about my having ordered a covert training mission that necessitated the get up. Even blind drunk, he was so convincing instead of locking them in the brig till the morning, they actually got me up to corroborate their story!"

"Man, he always was full of it, our Fred," Belch, slapped Danny's back, enjoying the joke and nearly knocking Danny off his seat.

Steve took a long drink of his beer, "Yes, yes he was," he spoke softly, more to himself than the others who were still laughing loudly at the tale. Danny glanced at him, he was smiling but his eyes had suddenly grown distant.

* * *

_"Come on, Bubba. Stay with me here!" Freddie lent over Steve, slapping his cheeks. "I need you conscious!"_

_"'m with you. Ge' off" Steve batted half heartedly at the hands that lifted his stolen robe to check the pressure dressings around his stomach. "Honestly, hundreds of dollars worth of body armour and you still manage to get slashed in the stomach."_

_"Yea, well..." he hissed as Freddie lifted the corner of the dressing, "who...whose ass... was I saving? Aaah!" he couldn't stop from crying out as Freddie repositioned the already heavily stained dressing._

_Freddie clapped him on the shoulder, "True, Stevie, true. However, now we have to high tail it out of here without you bleeding to death. We'll rest here a moment. Drink this." He opened the lid of a small bottle of water._

_Steve waved a vague hand in the air, "It's a scratch. You...you can be a bit of a...drama queen, ya know that?" He took the water bottle in shaking hands. He only managed a few small sips however before lying back with his eyes closed, willing it to stay down._

_"Indeed." Freddie regarded him, his tone light but his eyes worriedly assessing his friend. "However you look worse than the other guy and he's dead." He allowed himself a moment to sit back beside Steve and gather himself for the next phase of their slightly insane escape plan._

_Steve grinned weakly at him. He must have drifted slightly because the next moment Freddie was again slapping his cheeks. "Come on, Stevie boy. No sleeping, remember? When we get back, the drinks are on you. You are gonna to owe me for saving your ass once again."_

_"First..." Steve tried to sit up straighter, ignoring the pain that blossomed in his abdomen at the movement. "This," he gestured weakly to his injured body, "Your fault as I has saving your ass. And..." he lost his train of thought momentarily, damn blood loss, "when did you save me before?"_

_"Oh come on, that night in Mc P's? Hey, hey easy..." He pushed the other man gently back against the wall as he tried to struggle up in indignation. He could feel Steve's temperature was elevated and feared infection was already setting in. He kept talking though, "That guy at the bar would have killed you if I hadn't been there."_

_"You are so full of it..." Steve breathing hitched slightly as Freddie checked the dressing on the smaller wound on his forearm. "He wouldn't have wanted to kill me if you hadn't insisted on hitting on his date! I was defending_ you _!"_

_Freddie laughed at that, then rolled seamlessly to his feet as a noise outside alerted his attention. Weapon drawn, he risked a glance through the broken window of the old building they were sheltering in. He saw nothing amiss but remained on alert. He also noticed with increasing worry Steve hadn't even tried to react to the potential threat._

_"Come on, Steve." he must have been drifting again. Freddie took a deep breath. "Ok, the patrol is literally at the end of this street...Steve, Steven!" His voice rose slightly. Steve jerked his head up, he hadn't realised that it had been lolling._

_"Come on Stevie, hang on for me just a little longer." He patted his friends cheek, checking his much to fast pulse and rising temperature as he did so. He sat back on his hunkers rubbed his hand over his face, they were running out of time. Steve needed medical attention urgently, they were going to have to risk this._

_He checked his weapon, hiding it in easy reach under the belt of his robe. He checked Steve's pistol too, the other man had his eyes pressed shut, concentrating on steadying his breathing. He pressed the gun into the limp hand that rested on Steve's lap. Steve opened his eyes, meeting Freddie's gaze. The two shared a moment of understanding. Even in his weakened state Steve would have Freddie's back should their attempts to go unnoticed fail._

_"Time to go. On your feet." he hauled the injured man upright, keeping a tight grip to prevent him crumpling to the ground. "Wow, easy...ok?" he paused until Steve signalled he could move. "Ok Lieutenant, Your job? Just keep your mouth shut, don't pass out or bleed for the next few minutes and we are practically back on the Enterprise."_

_Steve's world greyed again then steadied slightly. He clung to Freddie's voice as he pushed the pain away and straightened up. "Sir, yes, sir!" he mocked, cracking a weak grin that let Freddie know he really was with him again._

_"Alright," Freddie grinned back, slinging his friend's arm over his shoulder. "Stick with me Smooth Dog. I might even step back and give you a crack at that pretty little lieutenant you were flirting so desperately with last week. With me out of the way, you might even have a shot. Reilly, wasn't it?" Freddie teased._

_"Rollins" was all Steve managed to choke out as they began the painful journey towards the doorway, Steve leaning heavily on Freddie. He would be lying though if the mention of the girl he had just met didn't give him something to focus on. There had definitely been a spark. A memory of laughing brown eyes caused him to smile slightly. "And you, Freddie Hart, are so full of it..."_

_"You said that before, Stevie" Freddie's trade mark grin blazed across Steve's fading consciousness, "but aren't you glad I am?"_

* * *

Steve was pulled back to reality by Catherine's gentle hand on his arm. He smiled sadly at her, clasping her hand in his and nuzzling into her hair as she leant back deeper against his chest. Her touch grounded him in the present again. Danny was watching him closely too, concern clearly showing on his face. If the others had noticed anything, they hid it well, they all had their memories. The joking and laughter were carrying on.

_Tell my girl_... It had been a long day.

Danny met Joe's eyes across the fire and the two shared a moment of agreement. Time to wind things up. Joe nodded slightly at the detective and once again commanded the group.

"Gentlemen," His voice carried a parade ground authority and Danny found himself straightening up as the other men and Catherine practically leapt to attention. He raised his cup and the other's followed suit.

"We knew him, we'll remember him, and he will not be forgotten. To our fallen comrade, Freddie Hart. Fair winds and following seas."

"Hooyah" the Navy SEALs all stated in unison the air charged with unspoken emotion.

* * *

The party broke up quickly after that. Danny noticed with a grin Clip offering to drive Kono home. It seemed to take only about five minutes for all the guests to disappear with promises to met up again soon. Steve was walking Joe to his truck and Danny stood a minute musing on the past few days.

"You heading too, Danno?"

Danny jumped slightly, he hadn't noticed Steve returning.

"Yeah, that was...well good is the wrong word, obviously. They are a good bunch of guys though."

"They are, aren't they."

"Hey you two," Catherine also appeared at Danny's elbow. "I have to be on the base for 0600 tomorrow so I am going to turn in."

"Ok," Steve turned towards her pulling her into an embrace.

"You two idiots don't sit up late!"

"No, ma'am," Steve pulled a mock salute and got a punch in the arm for his trouble.

"Seriously," her hand rested on his cheek and he closed his eyes at the touch. "You are dead on your feet." Steve lent down, his forehead touching hers eyes still shut.

Danny turned away, giving them a moment of privacy. They shared a silent exchange and then Catherine left them to it.

Both men turned and watched the petite woman as she walked back to the house. "You know, despite being rather hen pecked, you are doing alright there." Danny gestured after his friend's 'not-girlfriend.'

"Yep," Steve replied, _I've seen you with Lieutenant Rollins._..He couldn't escape Freddie's voice at the moment. He wasn't sure he minded.

Danny noticed the strange expression that crossed Steve's face but said nothing. "So, she cooks for you," he started checking things off on his fingers, "sleeps with you, follows you into communist countries under imminent threat of being shot at...and she still isn't your girlfriend?"

"Danno, what is it with you and labels?"

"Nothing my friend, its just...uh...seven years. I can't believe you haven't blown it."

Steve puffed out a soft laugh. Don't mess it up. "A wise man warned me not to."

"Someone from whom you will take advice?" Danny realised the second he looked at Steve's face exactly who he was referring to. His voice grew gentle as he continued, "Must have been a good guy." They began a slow walk back up to the house.

"He was, Danno, he really was." The silence stretched between the two for a few minutes. Danny simply waiting to see if his friend wanted or needed to say anything more. He was lost in a world of memories once more but, this time, he seemed in control of his thoughts. They paused on the lanai.

Eventually Steve spoke again, a soft sad smile playing on his lips as he looked at the ground."Uh, you know Danno, I reckon you would have liked him. He...well...In fact you are quite alike..." he locked eyes with his partner, a grin surfacing, "He never knew when to shut up either."

"Hey!" Danny's indignation was fake and they both knew it. They moved into the living room, Steve flopping down into the comfort of the couch. Danny paused trying to get a read on his friend before he followed suit. "Tell me about him."

Steve looked up at the ceiling as he lay back against the soft cushions, grinning slightly, "We met at the Academy. Trained together. They say every BUDs class has it's surprise...he was ours..."

Danny sank back, listening carefully as Steve finally began to open up about his friendship with Freddie and what it had meant. He smiled slightly to himself. Steve would be alright.

Catherine, coming downstairs early the next morning, would find them there on the couch, snoring softly side by side.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. This is my first finished fanfic. I know it isn't perfect! Let me know your thoughts!


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